My Sex Addiction
You may remember me. My name’s Carol, the highway queen. I’ve seen a lot, done a lot, and most definitely fucked a lot. So naturally, I’ve seen sex addiction up close and personal.
I never thought that I’d ever be addicted to anything besides the open road.
I wasn’t much for drinking, and I didn’t like the way drugs made me feel. For me, all I needed was the wind in my
hair and the sun on my skin.
But then I met him.
He never did tell me his name, and frankly, I didn’t want him to. It would have taken away from the mystique that made me crave him like rain on a hot summer night.
We drove together, him and I. During the day it was him at the wheel and at night…well, let’s just say it was my turn to ride.
He turned me on in ways I didn’t believe were possible. He was something else, I tell you what. The man was a sex addict, no doubt in my mind. And the things he did to my body made me one, too.
I Was Ravenous
We fucked our way across the United States, from one end to the other. It was magical.
But magic isn’t real, and with a man like him, I was destined to learn that the hard way (just not the kind of hard I wanted).
We had been together for almost a month. One blissful month. We kept each other satisfied–more than that, even.
I thought it was a match made in heaven.
We parked at a truck stop so that he could shower up inside after yet another romp.
I was thumbing through some of his papers in the console, bored. There were strip club brochures, coffee-stained pieces of paper with faded phone numbers, even an old photo of him and another woman.
None of that bothered me, it was his history, and I was hungry to know every part of him.
All Good Things…
Then I heard a buzzing sound coming from under his seat. I reached under it, wondering if perhaps it was a secret toy he was saving for a special occasion.
My hand felt something cold, hard. Confused, I slid it out from under his chair.
It was a cellphone and not the one he usually used.
On the screen, it said, WIFE.
My heart dropped as well as my jaw. I was in disbelief. He had never said he was married, not once.
I held the phone until it quit ringing. Surely it was a joke.
But then it started again, and a compulsion I wished I’d ignored overtook my body.
I answered his phone.
My heart was pounding, and my blood made my ears feel stuffy like they were full of cotton. My voice shook as badly as my hands.
The woman had a voice that sounded like it could have belonged to the one in the photo. She seemed as confused as I did.
“Who is this?” she snapped.
Addicted To Freedom
I tried to answer her. I really did. But when my mouth moved, nothing came out. I lowered the phone and stared out of the window, but didn’t see anything.
The woman was screaming. I could hear her tiny voice raging out of the holes in the speaker. She was calling me names, calling him names, threatening me.
I thought that I deserved all of it. After all, he was someone else’s man — not mine.
I realized then that a man like him, a real sex addict, was not the person for me. My love was the countryside and freedom that came with trucking.
He only cared about himself, and his wife and I were just objects to gratify his own desires.
Before he came back, I scribbled a note on the back of a crumpled receipt.
YOUR WIFE CALLED.
I made sure to leave the paper and his secret phone on the seat so it would be the first thing he saw when he came back.
Without another glance at the truck, I grabbed my things and made my exit, determined to continue my adventure.
Thrill Of Discovery
I knew that there was more pleasure waiting for me to discover. He broke my heart, but only a little. Compared to his poor wife, my pain was minuscule.
That night, I found a cheap motel room and played with my pussy for hours. I humped my pillow until it was soaking wet.
Then, I decided the next day I would buy myself a dildo as a consolation present to myself.
I thought about what I’d do with it. I’d get one of those sticky ones that adhere to things so I could fuck however I wanted.
In the meantime, though, I made sure to get my rocks off however I could. I had some of the best orgasms in my life in that motel room.
Sometimes I still think about him from time to time. What he’s up to or who he’s fucking. But it doesn’t bother me.
I’ve found plenty of other truckers to satisfy my love of travel and sex. And, unlike him, my compulsions are well under control.
Although I do love secretly rubbing clit in the passenger side when my pilot isn’t paying attention. 😉
The Hard Talk About Sex Addiction
Sex addiction can happen to anyone–men, women, LGBTQ+. Someone could be a sex addict and not even realize it.
Or maybe they do, but for various reasons, don’t seek treatment.
Between 12-30 million Americans are sex addicts or struggle to a degree with their desires and sexual thoughts.
Sex addiction, like drug addiction, gambling, or other dependencies, is a destructive force that affects not just the individual but everyone in their life.
There’s a lot to unpack when it comes to sex addiction. What does it mean to be a sex addict? What does full-blown sex addiction look like? How do you find out if you have a problem, and what can you do to get help?
What Is Sex Addiction?
For whatever reason, there is some controversy about this addiction, which might make it more challenging to receive the necessary help to get better.
Professionals aren’t quite sure how many people are addicted to sex because the numbers are skewed or underreported.
Sex addiction isn’t in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), but it can still be used to diagnose under the more general umbrella term of “sexual dysfunction.”
Despite that, certain groups of psychologists and counselors still research and write about it.
Another resource, the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems (ICD-10), is also used for diagnosing and treating sex addiction.
Interestingly, the ICD-10 categorizes this particular addiction as “a sexual dysfunction not due to a substance or known physiological condition.”
Just as an alcoholic or a heroin addict needs to satisfy a need for substances, a sex addict has an uncontrollable desire for sexual acts.
And, like other addictions, sex addicts run the risk of damaging or even ruining their relationships with partners, family members, friends, and others.
They often make dangerous decisions that negatively affect their health (mentally and physically) and overall well-being.
It’s more than having multiple partners. It could be chronic masturbation or use of porn.
Someone who has a problem may make changes in their routine to get their fix or find themselves unable to keep their behavior under control.
Debate and Discussion
Compared to other addictions and disorders, sex addiction is relatively new. There is still a lot to learn and discuss, which is why there is so much room for contention.
Two papers, “The Myth of Sexual Compulsivity” (1988) and “No Such Thing As Excessive Levels Of Sexual Behavior” (2006) claimed that sex addiction isn’t real. Instead, it is a side effect of cultural influence.
The Mayo Clinic groups sex addiction with obsessive-compulsive disorder, calling it “sexual compulsivity.”
Some worry that sex addiction is a sex-negative term and generates a stigma for people who are hypersexual.
The stigma is perhaps one of the biggest reasons why this topic is so difficult to agree on.
For most of history, marginalized groups (women, people of color, gay men, and other LGBTQ) were subject to the worse kinds of conditions for displaying socially unacceptable levels of sexuality.
In the same vein, those with other mental disorders, like bipolar, ADHD, depression, etc. may have times where libido is higher, and they are more likely to engage in sexual behaviors.
It can be confusing–is hypersexual disorder more than poor impulse control when it comes to compulsive behaviors?
Or is it a deeper-seated problem, like bad wiring in the brain?
As it is studied, we’ll start to understand this issue more.
It’s not 100% known what causes the development of compulsive sexual behaviors. But researchers have theories that may lead to improvements in the way we view sex addiction.
It could have to do with one’s attitude and emerge as a way to handle emotional pain or stress. A 1997 study found that 96% of people who struggle with this addiction were set off by certain moods, namely sadness.
Another theory is that those who struggle to control their sexual behaviors might have a chemical imbalance in the part of the brain that signals rewards.
The release of dopamine and oxytocin during sex may give a temporary high like other substances, which leads to an addiction that can escalate over time.
Too much production of the sex hormone androgen may also be a crucial part in determining why someone becomes a sex addict.
It’s shown that many sex addicts have been abused, whether physical, sexual, or emotional. An early or unwanted sexual experience could lead to someone becoming addicted to sex.
Rejection from past relationships, social isolation, and learned behaviors can also play a significant role in sex addiction.
What Sex Addiction Is Not
Others might engage in exhibitionism, voyeurism, making obscene phone calls, or other illegal acts.
And yes, some may take part in molestation or rape. But it is essential to know that those suffering from sex addiction don’t always become offenders. And not all sex offenders are addicts.
Sex Addiction Questionnaire
These questions are from the Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) website. This self-assessment is a qualitative measure, not a diagnosis.
This quiz isn’t official diagnostic criteria, and you should get professional help if you answer yes to more than one question.
Here are resources to assist with recovery:
- Call the ISO Office at 1-800-477-8191.
- Reach out to SAA to find help in your area.
- Learn where local SAA meetings are
- Educate yourself about sex addiction
- Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
- The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health
- Relativity at Elements Behavioral Health (formerly the Sexual Recovery Institute)
- Do you refrain from disclosing secrets about your sexual behavior or romantic fantasies from people who are important to you? Do you have a double life?
- Have you ever had sex in environments or with partners you ordinarily wouldn’t?
- Do you require more variation, frequency, or extreme sexual activities to get the same degree of satisfaction, excitement, or relief?
- Are your relationships, work life, or time threatened by your use of pornography?
- Does sexual absorption warp your relationships or follow similar detrimental patterns that caused you to end the previous one?
- Do you repeatedly want to get away from your partner after sex or feel remorse, shame, or guilt after intercourse?
- Have or could your sexual habits cause legal issues?
- Are your moral standards or spiritual journey at odds with your pursuit for sex or fulfillment of sexual fantasies?
- Do your fantasies or activities concern coercion, violence, or threaten disease?
- Have you ever felt hopeless, alienated, or suicidal because of your sexual behavior or search for sexual partners?
- Even if you don’t act on your sexual fantasies, does your fixation with them cause issues in any area of your life?
- Do you compulsively avoid sexual activity because of a fear of sex or intimacy? Do you feel that your avoidance of sex is all you think about?
Treating sex addiction is complicated. Unlike our sex drive, addictions like alcoholism or gambling aren’t intrinsic to human nature.
While we don’t need sex to survive as an individual, it is the only way to continue as a species.
Besides that, it’s difficult for professionals to come to a consensus about the best ways to diagnose and treat sex addiction.
Although there are very few treatments based on evidence, it is a diagnosable condition, and there are methods to help.
These generally include inpatient treatment programs, 12-step programs similar to AA, cognitive behavioral therapy, and medication.
No one knows yet which course of action is the best way to treat patients, but it is possible to regain control and live a healthy life.